I must have spent 2 hours this morning trying to upload the scream scene from Garden State onto this website. Nothing I tried worked and it became this crazy obsession as if in some way Zalman would not really be gone if I could just get it to work. I was stuck in magical thinking and I stayed there most of the morning.
3 years later, it is still completely unimaginable that he is gone. I am often still taken by surprise when I see a photograph or hear a story and remember again suddenly that he is not just away. He is really not here. I saw Thor and Fast Five this weekend in honor of Zalman. He would have loved them both.
I read through the posts on Zalman’s FB page and felt what a wonderful support facebok is at times like this. In the past all of us would have had to be alone with our separate experiences and feelings and instead there is this cyber community and that is so much less the case. I felt very grateful this morning for facebook and all of Zalman’s friends who continue to post messages to him.
I do not have much more to say this year except that i miss him and I am sad and I know that his friends and the rest of our family miss him as well. He was lucky to have such amazing friends. I feel blessed to have so many of you still in my life. As the sun sets it is starting to rain. It feels like this year, even Topanga is crying just a little bit.
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